Mapping the Gap

I think a lot of us miss half the pleasure in life, and this happens in two passive ways.

First, I think we could all get a lot of pleasure out of visiting the past a bit more. I don’t know about you, but I have had a lot of memories worth revisiting packed into my half-a-lifespan, and there is a lot of joy hanging on the vine waiting for me to claim it in the recollection. We take photos, and we “make memories.”  We keep mementos, buy souvenirs, and tuck away keepsakes.  Why?  We do this because we imagine our present experience worthy of revisiting in the future. But do we ever take the time?  For most people, it’s a rare day that we harvest these joys, and I think we should. No one else is going to do it for us, that’s for sure.

That is actually the greater utility of this blog. It’s not just about sharing our gap year with other people who are busy living their own lives. (I’m always impressed anyone bothers to read this.) The greater value is in preserving these precious experiences for future reminiscence- mine and my family’s. Even just the initial practice of reflecting and documenting these weeks affords me such great pleasure. When I put these posts together, I am repeatedly knocked into awareness of what a grand experience all of this is. Life is pretty intense right now. I need to pause, reflect, and let all this dense living soak in deep. I get to have a sweet pleasure in solidifying these memories shortly after making them, and then these neatly packaged images, captions, and reflections will be waiting for me in the future to enjoy again. And these are memories that would just be washed away by the ongoing flow of a life if I let them, like so many of my usual days. My partner, busy with work, laments this lack of time to reflect. Lucky me, I have this blog to snag our moments out of the current and preserve them for future enjoyment. I guess the trick is I’ll then need to remember to read them down the track. A task for future version of me.

Second, I don’t think we appreciate the pursuit of our desires as we should- the pleasure of not having yet.  They say, “the hunt is sweeter than the kill.”  Well, why do we stress so much about getting what we want then? I think we should savour the hunt and take conscious pleasure in the pursuit of our desires: the budding of ideas, the gathering of gumption, the amassing of resources, the swelling of possibility, the moulding and shaping of a concept, the thrill of imagination’s transformation into reality.  Why only focus on outcomes and arrivals as the sole sources of joy?  It’s a costly folly. There is gratification in simply imagining. Even the small things, like dinner tonight. It’s the thrilling and promising pleasure of “yet.”

It’s funny though. We have been taught that wanting is painful. It can give us feelings of lack and scarcity, inspire fear of failure, and feed obsession about how to control all the details.  However, I think Desire is actually a beautiful feeling we often forget to enjoy. It’s the alluring ache of anticipation, the tender thirst for a new reality. And, Desire usually vanishes when we obtain its object, so it’s good to have some fun with this fleeting little flirt while she’s around.  I find she offers a lot of good times if I can cast aside outcomes, arrivals, and out-of-reach objects as the superior sources of pleasure in life. I mean, “It’s the journey,” right?

So, as we begin to envision and map out the final months of the gap year, I’m trying not to squander these pleasing vibes of imagination. In the stolen moments of coherence that my partner and I have to conjure visions of our final days, I am making sure to delight in the plotting and prepping. As we scroll though endless accomodation profiles, seeking matches for our particular family needs, I’m making a conscious effort not to be bogged down by all the details. I’m accepting the tantalising invitations of Desire to remind me how magnificent all of this is, all the glorious futures beckoning down the path.

It’s a balance, of course. Eyes to the horizon and boots on the ground. Reaching for the heavens and rooting to the earth. Desire and Details in cahoots. This balance has a special magnetism that only polar opposites can activate. It feels important not to miss this sacred interplay between what we want and the How that makes it happen. It is the passage of an idea birthed between firing neurons in the obscurity of brain matter to a fully-lighted arrival in a solid and shared reality. It’s a spark to a bonfire. It’s a wisp to a wham. It’s the miraculous metamorphosis of human creativity- an invisible idea becoming a solid substance. It happens all the time. Often unacknowledged. Last night we watched the sun set from a rooftop bar, glass of wine in hand, taking in the city of Hanoi while the boys made paper airplanes and drank happy hour mock-tails. This was all just an idea nine months ago, a sliver of a possibility, a spark of maybe, a stolen glance at what seemed an overly daring consideration. Now, here we are. Seems natural as could be. Life is so cool…. if you’re paying attention.

It’s not easy though. It’s a lot, what we’re doing. Extended travel. With kids. On a budget. While working. And we have about 13 countries to go if the current plan prevails. It’s a lot to consider and weigh, a heck of a lot of details to track, but I don’t want to miss the pleasure in weaving the threads of this spectacular future because I’ve freeze-dried my pleasure to enjoy once we’ve “arrived.” It’s all an arrival. It’s all a memory in the making. It’s all a future reaching fruition. Desire is beckoning me to dance as we shop for flights, apply for visas, reserve our stays, and imagine the rest of this gap year future. Of course, I’m very much happy to oblige, and as I do so, I am also making sure to take pleasure in capturing all these quick-flowing memories while endeavouring to meet the ever-unfolding present with wakefulness. It’s a juggle. I’m feeling busy, but it feels good.

This past-present-future approach to enjoying one’s life is tricky, but it’s worth it, and it is a much-needed antidote to the on-going struggles our family. Things are not easy within whatever walls we are contained. That’s putting it lightly. We carry on, but it is not without daily strife, graceless falls, and the constant cultivation of a grateful mind by this mother who feels simultaneously like the life-raft to whom all the children cling and the punching bag to absorb all their wrath. (My partner does his bit, but a mother is often the preferred casting for these roles.) Anyway, all this pleasure theory is much less polished in the practice, I assure you. In this phase of life, pleasure is a riotous little rascal. But I still try. And there’s a different sort of beauty in that. It’s the beauty of aspiration, not achievement.

Here are the final photos of what did turn out to be a very good month in Vietnam. “Cảm ơn” from the Wood Family. We thank you, Vietnam. We thank you now, and we will do it again and again and again upon future recollections. What a magnificently-textured pleasure it has been.

May the Fourth be with us tomorrow (May the 4th), as we take that super popular Hanoi-to-Cairo air corridor. (Qatar Airways is the airline that makes this happen.) I’m having dreams that mould doesn’t exist in the deserts of Egypt. I hope it’s true.